If you do become engaged, I would recommend premarital counseling to help you communicate with each other. I grabbed the bull by the horns at the one year mark and am glad I did, but for you it may not be time. We all have our lines in the sand so to speak, I just think some people have not figured out what their lines in the sand are and whether they are reasonable or not. Still not convinced there's a huge issue and I think you may have over-reacted a tad. No one wants to be too judgmental.
. If someone I was dating for a year didn't say it to me, I think I would already know how they feel and if I didn't know by then, what the hell am I doing there still? He has also said that he tries to show me how he feels about me. I guess my question is this: Is it ever too late? Date within your area code since you have these limitations. Which is why you owe it to both of you to move on, and give each other room to find a better match. After everything he's said about how important his ex-girlfriends were to him, I feel like I need some sort of confirmation from him that I even have a chance of being that important. If his ex-girlfriend cheated on him and betrayed his trust, it makes sense that he would be hesitant to open himself up to love once again.
These emotional problems can definitely cause him to have an unhealthy view on romantic relationships. I'd rather be shown love personally. Before you drop those three little words on your partner, take some time to reflect and think about your feelings and if you really mean it. I'm sure you would know better than us all. Lately it seems like he wants to hang out a lot more and I end up turning him down for plans much more than he does to me. A man who's falling in love will be very giving to you in his own sweet way. Part of me really wants to put myself out there again.
I would really just ask him about his feelings. Fast forward 24+ years, we still say it to each other when we part every single time. I think there are people who are cautious for good measure, and there are people who keep you hanging on. As long as he's showing you affection and being a good boyfriend I wouldn't worry about it just yet though it is a little unusual that he hasn't said it so I get where you're coming from. And I know some people will take issue with this, saying they were dating three years or more before they truly fell in love, and now they've been together 40 years now, blah, blah, blah.
Wendy is probably tired of answering this question. If you want to marry him, and he says that he is happy with perpetually dating, that would be cause for concern and might be a sign for you to end the relationship. I think you should be patient because actions speak louder than words. Is it abnormal to wait this long? Sometimes guys don't know any more than we do. So as simple as it sounds, there is something wonderful to give up, which is what makes it hard. The reason why more people aren't ending up in wildly enthusiastic relationships is simply due to one thing: they're not getting out of bad relationships soon enough.
Whether he's at work, out spending time with his friends, or simply anywhere else without you, he'll text you during a free moment just to let you know he's thinking of you. Can a person not know after that long? Five years or so later, I ran into him. Once you identify that you're on the same page about your common core values, falling in love becomes a natural next step that leads you down the path to increased synchronicity and synergy in your relationship. If you want to preempt it tell him that you wanted to tell him something and you didn't know when the time was right, but wanted to say how much you love him, etc. I don't think it means that there is an issue or that his feelings have changed, I think it means that he just doesn't feel the need to tell you all the time. So I'm not going to discredit your own intuition here. Some can't stand the thought or the reality of being alone.
It seems like the real issue is that you are unsure of how he feels about you and where your relationship is heading. Are the two of them still in constant communication? He's romantic and your best friend. Think back to the men who made the best boyfriends: I can almost assure you that they made a supreme effort to win you over at the beginning. Last fall we had fewer sleepovers and maybe saw each other more like 4-5 times per week. We see each other pretty often too.
And this is coming from someone who is pretty verbal and always dated guys who said it fairly quickly. On a day to day basis, do you feel loved, or do you have doubts? I want to spend my life with him. He refused because it would mean delaying plans with a friend. Wendy has a few other columns on this topic you should seek out as well. I told him I loved him drunk at a bit after 5 months. He brings out the best in you. So this lady has been hidden and unknown for this entire time.
How silly would that be, right? When a guy can't keep get you out of his head, that's a sure sign he's falling in love with you. He may be on the way there and just being slow or cautious… or he may not get there. If you need a timeline, I think that a year would be my personal maximum It is fine that you said it first, so long as you do otherwise get the sense that you both are on the same page. He's a pretty outgoing guy, so I don't think shyness is a factor here. But we can talk about these things and know that we have something special. These words shouldnt be taken so lightly.
Why would a guy stay with someone for a year when he didn't have feelings for her? We cant even live near each other for 6 years until our kids are out of high school. For the first year, it bothered me. Because that's some very heavy stuff that can be going on behind he scenes. Once he is ready to get serious with you, he will probably be bursting at the seams to tell you just how much he really loves you. I have the same problem with her. This rule spurs probably one of the most unpleasant waiting games you ever have to play in a relationship.